It’s Hard to Remember That Not Everyone Gets It Like I Do

We Have to Look at it From Their Perspective

We are so close to who we are and what we know that when we’re communicating with others, we assume they understand. This is not the case. Most of the time when we’re talking about that thing we do…they’re overwhelmed.

We need to sperate ourselves from our calling if we’re going to communicate clearly.

We forget, or don’t even know, that what seems so basic and simple to us, isn’t to them. We’ve all been made with a specific unique gift, one that only we have. Sure, as many people as there are, there’s overlap. I’m not the only construction contractor in the whole world. I am however, the only one who does it the way that I do it.

This situation has become evident in several different situations recently.

Last week I wrote about my preparing to work with Bryan Switalski with Clarity Consulting. After our meeting I was feeling more overwhelmed than before. I was questioning if I had what it was going to take to do the digital marketing thing.

The next day was our weekly mastermind meeting. As I listened to the others in the group share their frustrations in connecting with the people who they knew would benefit from their knowledge or products. In my mind I was saying “Amen, preach it.”

Often before when listening to the group I would feel overwhelmed and inadequate. Listening to them I thought I was in way over my head. They would use terms that I didn’t know or understand. What struck me the most this day was how I realized that they’re struggling with the same struggles I am.

Then the light bulb came on. They, like me, were too close to their calling.

Their struggle, like mine, is the need to step back and look at this from the customer’s perspective. Over the years I’ve figured out how to do this with my construction customers without even knowing I was doing it.

This was confirmed the next day when I met with some potential customers for the third time. As we reviewed the floorplan of the remodeling project, they had questions. As we discussed the project more, I became aware of additional information that helped guide the direction of the project. Now we’re heading in the direction moving them toward their dream.

Too often contractors wouldn’t meet this many times or listen this much. Too often customers would just presume that the first plan was the only plan and this is as close to their dream as they’re going to get.

Now if I can learn to do this same thing with coaching and consulting customers.

After meeting with the construction customers, I began to think about my meeting with Bryan. As a customer I didn’t feel that I had given him enough information to do his job. I was feeling that “lost and overwhelmed customer feeling”. I sent him an email apologizing for my earlier rambling when we met.

Later that same day I received a response with a 10 minute recorded video explanation of the plan and how the parts will fit together, more details, a reiterated short list of what he needs from me and the reassurance that this project will be great when we’re done.

I’m sure Bryan was thinking, this is so simple and easy, but he never hinted to that. That’s what we professionals do when we’re working in our called vocation.

It’s hard to remember that they don’t get it like we do and to view the project from their perspective.

Now I need to separate myself from my calling and come up with a list of reasons that construction contractors need to make better proposals.

Can Communicating Too Much, Be Too Much?

For those of you who know me or know somebody that knows me. You know that I talk a little…okay…maybe I talk a lot.

When I was in grade school my Mom went to a parent/teacher conference. The teacher asked my Mom if I was forced to be quiet at home. My mother said no and asked why. The teacher replied that she thought maybe I wasn’t allowed to talk at home and that was why I talked so much at school. Mom responded, “He talks all the time at home too.” I’ve realized over the years that this is a part of who I am. This doesn’t mean that I’m not continually working to rein in my talking. I also realize it’s part of how God made me and there are benefits as well.

Being able to communicate well is key to good relationships.

Communication is not just what we say, write, draw or even an expression or gesture we use. Communication is also what we hear or see. Hearing is a critical part of good communication. Quite often we forget that we need to listen to what our customers want or to hear the different idea that a team member has. We need to remember communication is a two-way process. I think this is why God gave us two ears, two eyes and only one mouth. He knew that the receiving part was twice as hard as the giving part. If we don’t communicate well, we can’t expect to have beneficial and productive relationships.

We all perceive things differently.

When figuring the price of a new home it can be difficult to know some specifics until after construction has started, i.e. the distance from electric meter to the house. These unknowns can be covered by allowances. Several years ago, while in the early stages of building a new home, we had included a 50’ allowance for running the electrical entrance from the pole to the house. As we were staking out for the house location on the property the customer pointed out that it was going to be 150’ from the electric pole to the house. He asked if that WAS GOING TO BE A PROBLEM. My partner responded. NO, IT WOULDN’T TO BE A PROBLEM. The construction continued and everything was fine…until the final billing. When we gave the customer the final bill with the additional cost for the extra 100’ he was angry. As we worked through this, it was clear what had happened. When the customer asked the question, what he really asked was, IS IT GOING TO COST MORE? When my partner responded what he was really saying was, PHYSICALLY IT CAN BE DONE. Being clear when we communicate is hard, but important.

If we say something once, then saying it 10 times is better.

Saying things enough without saying them too many times is a difficult balance. It’s better to over communicate rather than not communicate enough. This takes longer but can minimize if not eliminate misunderstandings later. This is the main reason that I have developed the Blueprint for Building a Better Proposal system that I use. It comes from years of attending the school of hard knocks. This system will give contractors and customers clarity about what the project includes

If there is going to be a misunderstanding, I don’t want it to be because of something that I didn’t communicate.

Good Communication Is Not A One-Way Street

 

Remember That I Have Two Ears and One Mouth

 

In January last year I wrote about my core values and how I use them as a life filter. In that post I told you that I would go into each one in more detail. In this week’s solution we will dig into another one. It is to Remember that I have two ears and one mouth.

This core value points out that good communication is twice as much about listening. This makes perfect sense why God gave us two ears and one mouth. I have accepted the fact that I like to talk and do quite a lot of it. I believe that over communication is better than poor communication.

This core value reminds me of the importance of listening.

Within the last week I had two different people compliment me on my ability to communicate. One was directed at speaking and the other to writing. This was nice because I haven’t considered this to be something that I was particularly skilled at. The fact that this was communicated to me, was encouraging and inspiring.


Poor communication or the complete lack of it is one of the biggest issues in business and in life. How can I expect to help people build their dreams if we don’t communicate? Too often assumptions are made, and they lead to disasters.

If I don’t know what you want to achieve, and I don’t accurately tell you what to expect, somebody is going to be disappointed.

It is understandable why communication gets ignored. We’re busy. Communication takes time and we don’t have any extra. Whether it is listening, talking or writing…it takes time. You’ve probably heard the proverb ‘haste makes waste’. This is more evident now than ever. We are an instantaneous people. We want everything now. Aesop’s Fable about The Tortoise and the Hare points out how intentional focus on the goal and a steady movement toward it will win the race.


The constant connection to our electronic devices also contributes to our losing the ability to communicate well. There is nothing wrong with electronic devices. They allow us to connect with more people than ever before. It’s just that it can be hard to convey emotion electronically. We need to be careful to strive for and maintain a balance.

This is the ninth core value that I have written about in more detail. You can read the others here:

 

Honor God in all that I do

Intentional action

Take off the blinders, be more observant

Pay attention to detail

Spend time wisely, there is a limited amount

Never be satisfied with mediocrity

Find and maintain the balance in everything

Move the mountain one shovel full at a time

That only leaves three more to examine more thoroughly. I will communicate about them in more detail in the future so keep following these Weekly Solutions and if you know of anyone that you think would enjoy or benefit from these solutions be sure to share this link with them.

 

What We’ve Got Here, Is A Failure to Communicate

And What Can Happen When We Don’t

 

The above title is a famous line out of the 1967 movie, “Cool Hand Luke”. In the movie Lucas Jackson, played by Paul Newman, is a guy with more guts than brains, a man who refuses to conform to the rules. After being sent to a prison camp for committing a misdemeanor he is constantly giving the camp bosses trouble. After his mother dies the bosses put him in the box afraid he might want to attend the funeral. When he gets out he runs and gets caught and runs and gets caught, the bosses try to break him but he just won’t break. They try to force their ideas and rules on Lucas, but he is having none of that. In this case neither side is listening to the other.

The point is that effective communication requires listening, not trying to force your ideas on someone else. We all have our own thoughts and ideas how something should be done. In a business relationship we need to remember who has the check book, whose project it is. Our job as the business should be listening to the customer and helping them accomplish their goals. Not telling them what we think they want. Most of the time communication is thought of as what we say or write to someone. We need to remember that communication is a two-way street and we need to be listening twice as much as talking. We need to listen before we write.

I was involved in a situation this week that is a good example of what can happen when there is little or no communication. I was in small claims court as a witness in a double law suit between a building contractor and their customer. The contractor sued for an unpaid balance for work performed. The customer counter-sued for inadequate and poor-quality workmanship. Both parties had legitimate claims and neither party won. When everything was over they both dropped their suits. What could have, no should have, been an enjoyable and rewarding experience for both, ended as a losing situation for everyone involved. This whole mess could have been avoided had they started communicating in the beginning. There was no written agreement of any kind, just a verbal agreement with an hourly rate. This left too many unanswered questions and assumptions.

When I prepare a proposal for a construction project I am thorough and write the description of things to be done in detail with prices for each separate item. Yes, it takes longer than just giving an hourly rate. Some people, maybe most, would say I spend too much time working on proposals. Maybe I do, but I would rather waste some time on the front end than waste it in court on the back end.

I have been asked several times over the years by other contractors about my proposals. They want to know how I do them and if there is a software or a program that I use. Actually, I have been designing and building and tweaking this system over the last 30 plus years. I have even been hired by other contractors to do proposals for them. This got me started thinking that I need to share this system with others. So, we are just beginning the process of designing and developing a system that will include blank templates, a customizable data base and instructions on how to use it. We plan to have this ready and available by the end of June.

If you or someone you know would be interested in using a program like this then please forward this blog to them.